This is not some post ranting and raving about the societal impact of social media or some wake up call after realizing every person in my family can’t even eat a dinner together without the added appendage that is their smartphone and thereby pledging a righteous fast from all forms of technology for the New Year. Nay this is simply the rant of a fed up tech nerd. I started ILikeTek.com as an outlet for somebody who really does nerd out and appreciate most all forms of tech (almost all…selfie sticks are kidding me?!). I really do like tech and love even more opining about this passion. Most days I relish my tech savy panache and just last week had someone confide in me how they wished they knew even half what I knew because “the world would be such an easier place”. That was my mom after I hooked up a flat screen TV that sat idle for a few weeks until the next time I visited to hook it up. It took me all of five minutes to bring it to life and I even reduced her entertainment center down to one remote (that she already had but didn’t know how to program). Her wish implied that I just didn’t get tripped up like most other non-techies on gadgets and software. It implies I breeze through life like a Kardashian. This actually couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact you can say today, gasp, I Don’t Like Tech! You see at any given moment I have a laundry list like most people of gadgets or software that simply aren’t cooperating and like most people it can be downright frustrating and almost debilitating at times. For full effect here’s a glimpse at my present laundry list:
- The volume pot on my PC speakers is malfunctioning resulting in a constant tussle to get both speakers to actually play.
- I wasted over an hour just yesterday trying to reformat a micro SD card for my new Kid’s Kindle Fire that inexplicably was corrupted with no success. Crashed my computer twice in the process. Right now my kid is playing with our original Kindle that has a faulty power connector where getting it to charge requires a time sapping jiggle dance with the power cable.
- My iPhone also inexplicably decides to revert to default text tones robbing me of my glorious “Alright Alright Alright” Matthew McConaughey one liner that serves as my text tone for my B Team phone contacts. This began with the release of iOS 9 and I still haven’t cracked the puzzle to resolve it and every time that friendly default text tone dings it infuriates me to no end.
- I’ve spent more time than I care to admit this past week trying to transfer my XBOX gamertag to a more desirable Microsoft account to no avail.
- Yesterday I had to return my wife’s Fitbit I bought her for her birthday just 4 months ago because its bluetooth radio failed. It was her fourth activity tracker that failed in the past year alone. They’re all universally junk.
- My keyboard occasionally decides to wig out and substitute different characters and commands for key presses. Not kidding…requires a reboot to clear it up. Same issue on my old pc so I know it’s driver related to an accessory I recycled from old pc. Have tried other keyboards with no success. Forum queries have been fruitless. Have honestly fought this one for about four years. It’s quite shameful actually. Had to take a break writing this to reboot for this very issue. Fail.
- My wifi gets crazy slow sometimes. Every single diagnostic I’ve ever done shows a healthy signal and speed yet my devices drudge on and then magically it’s healed. It’s secure, doesn’t appear to be hacked. Also no clue, perpetually unresolved.
- Have a printer that can’t connect to said wifi. Also it recently spazzed out and issued several errors codes. Did a factory reset then it ran out of black ink. Replaced ink with a new cartridge. It still said is was out and wouldn’t let me print with color unless I replaced the black ink cartridge…again. Finally caved and replaced the black ink cartridge with another new cartridge. It worked but still spurns wifi. Whatever.
- Bought my kid a lava lamp for Christmas. The lava doesn’t float. It just sticks to the bottom in one congealed blob. Shook it real good…then read instructions which explicitly states to never shake it. The blob remains but has now moved to the top. I’ll have to return it.
- I have a portable speaker I’m particularly fond of that periodically turns itself off then back on after a couple of minutes. The next day it’ll work just fine. As an electro-mechanical engineer by day I am also shamefully clueless as to why.
- I have a piece of Dell crapware that I can’t get to stop pestering me with daily notifications. For certain reasons I don’t want to uninstall it. It’s not found on any of my startup programs or background processes where I could disable it so for now I’m forced to answer it’s rude and overriding interruptions.
- Recently my engine light to my car started coming on intermittently. I theorized it was a loose battery terminal, the dealer disagreed and the light never stayed on long enough for them to catch it with their diagnostic machine. Later there would be a battery terminal recall for this very reason. It was with no small measure of satisfaction I had them service it under the recall. The intermittent light has recently returned. Face palm.
- Finally the clock on my coffee maker runs fast. It gains a whopping 4 minutes a day. If left unchecked for even a week it starts brewing coffee 30 minutes early.
The truth is I’ll only resolve half of my technological issues at any given time and the rest I’ll lose patience and simply replace whatever is malfunctioning. Today (after I finish this post if my keyboard allows sic) I’ll quit technology. Tomorrow I’m certain I’ll renig on this resolution. There is really only one difference between me and most non-techies. Most of the time technology does not cooperate for me either; I just can’t feign ignorance when it does.